Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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