Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
