it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
