there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
