dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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