no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
