The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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