Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
