i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
