If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
