and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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