I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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