Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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