i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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