my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize