do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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