then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
