are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
