u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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