Pappa wants mamma naked
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
