make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
