Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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