'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
