My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
