Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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