Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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