Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
