My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
