do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
