I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
