You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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