I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
