Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
