Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
