the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
