She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
