talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
