he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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