She announced her abortion via fbk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
