She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
