Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
