Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
