Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
