peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
