I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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