Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.

Fav 42 1775 5112
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(417): View more from Missouri

And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

Fav 6 5470 1427
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.

Fav 14 2016 4475
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(240): View more from Maryland

Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here

Fav 5 1877 956
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(330): View more from Ohio

i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.

Fav 15 3120 1229
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(772): View more from Florida

You're fine

(585): View more from New York

I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.

Fav 4 1953 1221
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.

Fav 2 144 146
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(860): View more from Connecticut

the sex got boring after the first three hours

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

holy shit

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