he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
two words: eviction party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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