Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
