dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
