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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  actually, i try not to think about it

  (802): View more from Vermont

  and i pooped them out

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• (305): View more from Florida

  once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass

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• (631): View more from New York

  And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you put my shoes in the freezer.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.

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