My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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