You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you inspire me to be a worse person
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
