he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she pinky promised me she was 18
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
