totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
my liver is dry heaving
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
