So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
