I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
