Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
