I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
