my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
