just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
