mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think i just lost a toe
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
