The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
