so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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