I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
