Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I AM VODKA MAN
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
