I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
