i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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