My Higher Power is John Stamos
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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