Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
